Of course I’m not into any sort of drugs, but the title refers to the term “anti” for music. Personally, I think it’s the subtle, secret drug that everybody loves to enjoy. It makes thinking a lot more difficult, since it’s so easy to get lost in a catchy song, thus poor choices are made much more frequently while listening to music. Also, it makes the listener much less aware of their surroundings, especially while driving, which makes them much more accident-prone.

For one, it’s addicting. Once you find an awesome song, you can’t just listen to it once, you listen to it over and over again.

Once you are bored of that song, you begin looking for other songs that gave you the same feelings as the first song. Thus, your first great song is a gate-way into the world of music.

Every song gives you a little “feel-good” buzz that you prefer to listen to. So when you’re without your music for an extended period of time, that buzz becomes a craving. You become irritated and easily angered for no apparent reason.

You start wasting more and more of your time listening to music, getting lost in the rhythm or singing to the lyrics. Next thing you know, hours have gone by while just lounging around with some friends listening to your favorite songs.

There’s times when you just can’t stand someone because they listen to music you hate, making you more inclined to hang out with those in similar tastes of music.

Reason why I bring this up is because I’ve been undergoing a lot of stressful situations, and whenever I listen to music, things just seem better.

Mostly I’m nervous about juggling church, a job, and school. I know every senior whose graduated from Word was going through a similar ordeal, but I don’t know if I could do the same. Things always seem worse than they end up (prepare for the worst, hope for the best), and so sometimes I take a little bit of time to realize this, which makes some of the tension easy. I wouldn’t call it worry, but more or less anxious to get the ball rolling and see what happens.

Well whatever the case, I still haven’t gotten anything yet for school. No clothes or supplies at all. I don’t really need clothes, but I seriously need to get some supplies.

On a side note, without this church (the people, not the place), I would have no idea where I’d be in my life. I’m not even sure I’d still be alive. Without the Lord’s grace, things would be so different…and not in a good way. You guys always look out for each other, helping out wherever possible, even taking the crap the other people dish out without giving it back. I’m truly happy to know that I’m a part of the Body of Christ.

Funny thing is though that a year or so ago I had decided to make it big so that I could donate everything to Xenos, but the way things are looking, that may not happen. Since then I’ve learned more about other, more important ways of helping out, and I’ll definitely strive to do just that. I had made this decision based on where I was before I met the Lord. I feel like I’ve been given a completely new life, and a chance to make it signifcant. Of course, there is much more that I need to learn, but that comes in due time.

Heh, this blog has drastically changed in topic, but whatever. I haven’t written anything in a while, so I felt compelled to update things. It just feels weird to post an issue because I know there are those with much greater problems…so yeah….haha….

It’s hard to believe that a week ago I had nothing to do and just lounged around. Since then I’ve become so flustered with everything that’s going on, I’m just waiting for it all to pass.

If you haven’t already heard, yes in fact I have gotten a job at Pancho’s, which isn’t too bad so far. My boss is awesome (generally able to work around the church meetings), the hours are great (from 4pm to closing), my coworkers are sweet (either friendly or familiar), and the work load isn’t too bad either.

My dad is swinging through the area, because of something having to do with his car and New York. I am really shaken up about this, mainly because it’s been roughly 4-5 years since I’ve last seen him. He’s coming today as a matter of fact, but I have work today as well. Luckily enough it’s my last day as a trainee, so I don’t have to go in until 6pm. I just feel like my new-found job is keeping me from spending an extended time with my dad, for I also have to work Wendsday, but I don’t want to make a schedule change after working only 3 days. So basically this conflicts with any possibility of me going with him to New York. Quite honestly, I have no idea how long he’s planning on staying in this area, which really makes planning any type of arrangement in itself impossible. I guess bottom line is that I feel like 1-2 days seems like a waste of time after waiting for years….but then again patience is a highly-regarded attribute that’s been rewarded in many cases throughout the bible.

That’s the other thing. I wanted him to witness a CT, or at least chat with Keith (if that’s alright with you Keith), because the church group is the most significant change in my life, and I would want nothing more (except to enter an eternity of grace with the Lord) than for him to experience it as well.

Hahaha, I can’t help but remember my last little turmoil that’s refreshing itself in my brain every minute or so. The assingments from the groups of Xenos are a real thorn in my thumb. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning about the Lord, and once I get into the assignments I feel so spiritually enriched, but the mindset I have on homework keeps me from this awesomeness. I’ve always hated homework with a passion, and my mind always tries to weasel its way out of the experience. Basically it takes a LOT of effort for me to willingly learn. I guess it’s mainly due to the laziness that’s been dwelling inside of me my whole life. I can honestly say it’s a real problem I have, to actually go from doing what I want to do to what I need to do.

I’m sure to many (if not all) who are reading this can say that it’s just something to overcome and deal with, and that is definitely something I’m working towards. I mean honestly, if it weren’t for Joe’s persistance, I would for sure be jobless to this day and just lounging around telling myself I’ll get to it later.

I know this whining and complaining is probably getting to you by now, so I’ll end it here for now, and go to learn something.