Granted I haven’t finished the series yet (I finished the fifth, and so I have to find a copy of the sixth), the idea behind ka and Roland’s ka-tet shocked me when I started comparing some ideals. In Roland’s world (Mid-World), there is a popular belief of ka, which is very similar to the idea of fate. With his group there lies the formation of a ka-tet, which is a bond between the group that binds each other together in their quest for the Dark Tower. They pick up on emotions and thoughts (especially John ‘Jake’ Chambers) from each other that wouldn’t be possible in our world, and is actually not possible with people outside of their bond. When they start collecting secrets, they begin to break away from their ka-tet. It is clearly seen in the fifth book, and as well as the 3rd and the 4th, but the fifth screams it at you. So once they start breaking away, it’s harder to trust the other members, leading to the development of more secrets. The thing that keeps them together and from their possible destruction are their meetings. They sit together and share anything that is helpful, or is needed to be helped with, or just needed to be told.

This idea of ka-tet seems to go hand-in-hand with the Body of Christ. Those who have read the series please feel free to comment on this, and any possible mistakes I have made feel free to share. It just seems that when we start forming groups with the Body, secrets pop up more rapidly than a bag of popcorn enduring a lot of heat. I know that B and some others have stressed this point, but it is definitely something we need to work on. When these secrets form, it becomes obvious that the Body grows weaker, and begins to fade.

So that’s what I think about that, and like I said earlier, please feel free to comment, especially if you’ve read the series yourself.

I don’t know the actual grades, but I was able to pull myself out a bit from the hole I had dug with my knee issues. I know my final exam grades, and let me tell ya, they are something to brag about (in my case anyways). I mean I got a B on my chem AP exam, I felt like I entered a dream when I saw that grade posted, and damn it felt good to still be there after a pinch. Both of my math classes were easy A’s, and so was art, though I’m pretty sure my art class will actually be a B for a final grade. Ah I’m so anxious to get my report card (mail was withheld while my mom went on vacation and I was down in Canton) and finally see what all of that frackin work was for.

Ya know what? I haven’t a clue. Maybe some switches turned on, and maybe others turned off, but whatever the case, there is definitely some different lighting in my head.

I’d say that I’m pumped for this upcoming mission trip, especially since I earned the money to go. Before I was overwhelmed with worry that something would go wrong and I wouldn’t be able to make the money neccessary to go on the trip. I also want to point out that ever since last year when I went to camp Y-Noah for the C.I.T. (counselor in training) program, that I completely missed out on the opportunity to try to save some of the little rascals running amuck, or even an actual counselor for that matter. Since I won’t be going back their for the junior counselor program (enabling me to become an actual counselor), I feel like this is my only chance to redeem myself for my previous mistake.

If you haven’t been told by me yet, then I’ll spill the beans. My granny (on my mom’s side) has passed away as of yesterday in the early morning hours. From that information I can only assume she went in her sleep, which is practically the best way to go, in my opinion at least. When my mom told me she was clearly upset, and I wanted to be as well, but I just wasn’t able to produce any feelings of remorse. I tried looking solemn so my mom wouldn’t feel like I don’t care, but it didn’t really disturb me. I talked with B about it and what he told me confirmed my thoughts as to why I felt the way I did. He told me that she had lived a long life, and those who grow old do die, so feeling bad about her living a full life is stupid, especially if I didn’t know her to well. This I agree with completely, though I knew her fairly well. Sure I didn’t see her every day, or visit her frequently for that matter, but I grew up around her, and doing so created a bond between us. I know it sounds weird, but I felt that bond breaking when she started going into the hospital every year for various ailments. The thing that worries me is my mom, who went to work every day (where granny lived) and spent time with her despite her busy schedule. She grew up with her and went through much together, so letting her go won’t be easy. Knowing this I feel like I have to watch my every step so that she doesn’t know my unchanged condition, making the weak bond between us almost to the breaking point, if not over it.

With this said there will be calling hours on Thursday from 4-8pm, so I won’t be able to make the home-church.

Actually now that I think about it, I may just be in shock. It hasn’t really had a chance to sink in. Oh God I hope not.

Oi vei. I am lost. There’s so many paths to choose from. I am stuck in the middle weighing pros and cons of each direction as time draws to a close. I must choose a path, but much will be lost. I know the school-year for my senior year will be fun, but summer will be one angry bitch to deal with. I think I’m one of the few students who actually wishes there isn’t a summer vacation for this year.

I want to get a job. I want to see my dad. I want to go on a bike trip. I want to get my license. I want to go on retreats and parties and camping trips. I want to go fishing. I want to attend CTs and HCs and Cells. Everything overlaps one-another, and I can’t do everything, or hardly anything without conflicting with something else.

It’s been five years since I’ve seen my dad. That means I haven’t seen him since I was twelve years old. He has missed my teenage experience. He calls every now and again, but sometimes it takes over a month for him to call again. I’d call him if it wasn’t for major long-distance phone bills that I’d be scolded for. The problem is that he lives in Alberta, Canada, so a trip of such extent would last at least two weeks. It’d be a waste (as stated by my mother) to just go for a week. It would take a nice chunk out of my summer, and possible any chance of getting a job would be lost asking for so much time off.

My other alternative is to get a job and raise some money. I need a means of transportation, especially since the senior guys will be leaving next year with their cars. If not a car, at least money to support those giving rides so that they won’t go broke wasting gas on us. I have a few opportunities, and so within the next week I’m going to start going into action.

Biking. Oh wow. I love it. It’s not a problem. It’s a great escape. It’s also an awesome chance to have solitary thought. Getting out of the house and into nature is one of the most beneficial things for me to experience. I absolutely love to hear the birds chirping and the wind blow across my face. I never have grown tired, but then again I haven’t gone on a full ride. Each time I do something happens to make me stop. Not that I’m saying organizing a prayer meeting is bad, but a bike accident is. I just can’t wait until the first Sunday after school lets out. I’m going to go for an all day ride. I still need to make preperations, but I’ll be ready for it.

There’s so much to do with so little time. All I can do right now is plan for the future. I need to get a job, but in order to do so I can’t see my dad. This is tearing me apart, but the fact that it’s not my last summer is what’s holding me together.